Slowly Coming Back and a New Purchase....

Hello All!

I looked at this blog the other day and I realized I had let it go stagnant for months.  Like many other things in my life including my Etsy site and my gym membership!

Like many of you I have a hard time with life sometimes and the last few months have been a time of reflection.  I haven't been happy these past few months.  Not necessarily with one thing, but with many things that have all added up to one big heaping pile.

I am currently taking the second anatomy and physiology and also physics which combined with working a forty hour week has been insane.  I was thinking about applying to sonography school, well, did apply to a sonography school.  I had all of the prerequisites and at first was denied an interview but went over the head of admissions head to the director and got an interview but alas was wait-listed.

When I received the e-mail I was wait-listed I realized a few things.  I was not upset that I didn't get into the school.  Really what I was upset about was that I had wanted something to fix all of my problems.  Fix my unhappiness at work, and my feeling of stagnation, and my lack of progress.  I wanted a panacea, a cure all for everything.

As I cried to my Mom and Meridyth and my best friend Stephanie they all agreed that I needed to get back to finding myself again.

Finding myself again has included a push to finish these two classes and only take online classes this summer so as not to kill myself, to make presents for people who have been very supportive in my time of crisis these past few months, and to go back to therapy!

Also, I bought myself an iphone!  I told Mer on days when she is not nice to me I may love my iphone more than her!  It is only an iphone four.  I have Tmobile, because of the cheap plans, and was not eligible for an upgrade but I found a gently used phone and I have to say it is the BEST present I have every bought for myself.  I AM IN LOVE!

I joined instagram and I love sharing photos.  I was a photography major in school and having a forum to share and comment and like photographs is amazing!  Check me out by clicking the link.

One more thing.  Happy Anniversary to Meridyth.  Though it has been ten years it is our first wedding anniversary today!

This was the top of our wedding cake.  We didn't wrap it well so it had freezer burn but it was still fun.

Lots of love,

Jess

Inspiration for a Tuesday

Sometimes I need inspiration. Sometimes a little and sometimes ALOT.

I have always found comfort in words. Books have always had the ability to make me feel better and as I have gotten older I love finding sayings that can sum up how I feel with a few short sentences.

Here are some of my favorites:

Aren't these great? I feel ready to start with some new projects and embrace my life when I read these.

All of these quotes were found on the blog Little BGCG.

Lots of Love,

Jess

Illness Updates

Hello Everyone!

I am having a great day on this rainy Tuesday and I hope you all are too.

Last week was not great.  On Monday, I suddenly started to feel short of breathe and like my heart was pounding out of my chest.  Like any person that works in a medical office (I work on the nursing staff) I ignored it hoping it would go away. 

However, after all the allergic reactions, the iron infusion, and the adverse reactions to the meds I then had a fainting spell at work on friday.  I was on the phone with a patient and the next thing I know the world was black.  Luckily, I work in a cardiology practice!

They did an EKG, which for those of you that don't know, is when electrodes are placed in certain places on your chest and a machine prints strips of your heart rhythm.

It looks something like this:

My EKG ended up being abnormal.  The doctor in my office wouldn't let me leave until I did a stress echo.  That test is where you walk on a treadmill, stressing your heart, and then they use an ultrasound machine and take pictures of your heart to see how it is beating with the stress of the exercise.

Thank goodness that test was normal!  My Dad then picked me up and I was able to go to my parents (they live about five minutes from work) and I laid down the rest of the day and actually couldn't physically drive home until Saturday.

Today, I am wearing a holter monitor which is a portable EKG machine that attaches to your chest with electrodes.  You wear the machine for up to 48 hours and it continuously records your heart rhythm and pulse.

I think I will feel much better about my pounding heart once one of the doctors at my office tells me everything looks o.k.!

I did have a bit of a breakdown this morning.  I am so sick of being sick!  I personally think that all of the symptoms:  anemia, pounding heart, pain, fainting, anaphalaxis is all related.  The doctors disagree, looking at the symptoms one by one, and treating each one seperately.  I just can't see how they can't be related!

Not feeling well does have some perks however.  I am busy making paper jewelry and soon will have many new products to display for LoveUPaperly.

I am also going to post some info about learning how to take product photographs and show all the craftyness that has been my life lately!

For tonight, I'm going to go eat some ice cream with Meridyth and be amazed at the tiny contraption attached to my chest that is happily recording my heart, somehow making me feel a little bit better.

Until tomorrow,

Lots of Love!

Jess

Body Image and my Wedding in a Month

Happy Weekend!

I have a nasty cold today so I am just going to stay home and try and finish some wedding projects.  This entails a lot of cutting, gluing, ink, and paper.  Every art majors dream weekend!

I will have some new projects to show you next week so keep a look out for it!

Also, I will be doing artist showcase tomorrow.  I haven't forgotten but I have this other topic rolling around in head and if I don't get it out I might just scream!

I wanted to talk about body image and weight today and how it applies to weddings and particularly my own.

In high school I had an eating disorder.  I didn't get my period, exercised three hours a day, was very, very thin, and very, very unhappy.

I gradually grew out of that mind set when I started college.  I still worked out everyday, but was eating and healthy and happier.

Going into my late twenties I began to struggle with my weight and I have fluctuated between being heavier and slightly thinner in the last few years.

I trained for a triathlon two years ago and was probably at my healthiest.  In November of 2011 I was running three miles everyday and feeling great, looking forward to being super healthy on my wedding day.

Then my disc in my neck blew and a range of allergic reactions to multiple medications have made steroids my friend. 

I had to stop exercising, and as all of you know I have been fighting with pain for the last six months or so.

What this comes down too is that I am probably at my heaviest that I have been in awhile....oh, and I am getting married in a month!

I my head I always thought I would be a thin bride.  That I would waltz down the isle in a size eight body.

I am not a size eight or a size ten for that matter and this past week I have been worrying about how I am going to look in our wedding photographs.  Am I going to look ugly?  Am I going to look fat?!  Is that what everyone is going to talk about on May 5, 2012?

As I was worrying about this last night I came across a great post on the blog Gala Darling.

Here is the line from the post that stuck out to me:

"YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE. Never be ashamed of that. Own it! Love it! You only have one life."

Then I realized I don't want to worry about this!  I'm not thin right now but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to own/rock my wedding day!  I am marrying a woman who not only loves me but also tells me I am gorgeous Every Single Day.

This is who I am right now...today.  This is what I look like, what my body is.  Do I want to be healthier?  Absolutely!  Do I NOT want to worry about it on my wedding day?  Damn Straight!

Lots of Love,

Jess

 

Reminders to see the joy in the world...

I have a lot going on in my little world this week my lovelies...

Not all great stuff, mostly not great stuff, but I am trying to keep my head up, a smile on, and a little zip to my step.

I'm still working out how much personal stuff I want to share on this blog.  The whole reason of setting up this blog was for me to share the wonder and amazement I see in the world.

I really wanted this blog to be totally immersed in happiness and joy.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy but still stuff has been pretty shitty the past few months and the crap keeps on a piling it seems.

The way I mostly deal with crappy stuff is
1.  To talk it out.  I have to say that I have some great, great friends/family that let me complain, and cry, and talk it out until finally I am told to  GET OVER IT!
2.  To look at gorgeous, amazingly stunning images and remind myself of the beauty I love and covet and share.

That is why this week has been full of pretty pictures.  Again today I am going to share some images that I think are gorgeous/fun/cute...the world makes me happy.

"Real Friends" by Ksuksa Raykova

OpenHeartPictures

Image found on Endless Nightmare Tumblr

"Peace and Freedom" by Nhuthanh

catavioletacamposdiaz tumblr

Peter Pan Movie Quote

LooLoo and Darby Doodle

Kitten

Faces of Dad

Birds in Flight

The last four images were taken my me.

Love,

Jess

New Stuff, New Years, and a picture of Buddy

Hello, Hello!

How is everyone today?  I am excited to have three days off.  I am really looking forward to kicking 2011's a** out the door!

I hope for most of you that this was an excellent year, but in all honesty 2011 has been very difficult for numerous reasons and I am hoping that all of the lessons I have learned over these past few months will be put to good use in 2012!

I am hoping for so many things in the New Year for myself and my loved ones, but most of all I am hoping for health, happiness, and financial stability.  These three big things I have realized require a balance and I am hoping for that balance to happen soon!

As for what I have been doing for the past week, I have been busy thinking of projects that I want to work on.

I am currently working on a new series of cards that I am calling:  Dream Big.

There have been so many people in the last year that have set their sights on goals and have achieved them.  Since the New Year has been coming all week I have been thinking of people that have inspired me in many ways in the past year.

Here's a peek:

I letter-pressed Dream Big and hand cut a stamp of Adele who without her music playing in my head this year I might not have made it some days.  Meridyth and I listened to her on numerous trips to the ER!

That is it for today lovelies!  I am sending good thoughts for all of your New Year's, be safe, have fun, and until next year!

love,

Jess

And one picture of my Buddy boy to leave on!  I was never a cat person but how can you not love that Putnam (face in Yiddish)!

He said he can't wait for 2012 either!